I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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