I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
