i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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