I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
