Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
