Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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