i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize