U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
