so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
