Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
