Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
