i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize