Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
