Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
