what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
