your thong is hanging out like whoa
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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