What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
