Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
