That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
