Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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