Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize