Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize