Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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