Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
