Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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