Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
