you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
