I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
