This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
