wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
