I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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