my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
