she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
