i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
