Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
