also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
