currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
