Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
