My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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