hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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