i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just pee around me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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