Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
