I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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