4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
