Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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