mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
