I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
