i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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