She's JV to your varsity
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
