I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
