Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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