wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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