but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
