goodnight i made you a song goodbye
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
