i permit you to call me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize