im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize