1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this will be a night to untag.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
