i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
