I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
