just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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