Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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