Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's never too late to be topless.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize