So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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