Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
