shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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