i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
