Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
