I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize