I just saw a hot homeless man
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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