I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
