Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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