Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
