I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
