I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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