I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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